There is a reason for every season of the heart. Half in light and half in dark is where we start. Half in light and half in dark is where we are. We are one beating heart. ~ The Midnight
It was just an ordinary Thursday morning at the office. After adding water to the coffee maker, I sat down at my desk ready to seize the day. As people started trickling in to enjoy the morning’s fresh brew, one of my coworkers brought the coffee pot over to me and indicated I should look inside. There I saw a sight I will never forget: a spider…had spun a web…across the opening…of the coffee pot. I was horrified. How had I not noticed that? Was it possible that after I walked away, the itsy bitsy spider crawled up the coffee pot as fast as his little legs could carry him, and spun his web while the coffee was drizzling down into the pot? Also…how was itsy bitsy not scorched from the hot coffee?! No arachnid super powers were transferred to anyone at the office that morning, but needless to say I will be checking for spiders and webs before making another pot of coffee for the rest of my life...
…(continued from above)…
…and what does that story have to do with anything? Well, this first ever spider web coffee incident happened just after the release of the fourth Spider-Man movie: Brand New Day. And most appropriately, the third Spider-Man movie: No Way Home ended with Peter Parker visiting a coffee shop after a major plot twist upended his life. But let me take two seconds to say I didn’t sit down tonight to write about Spider-Man or the world’s favorite caffeinated beverage. I was actually doing a little reminiscing about my own plot twist of losing my job this past spring. I haven’t written about it yet, and wasn’t sure if I would, could, or should. But, here we are, on the edge of the coffee pot of my spider web thoughts.
If you know me, you know how much Tri-State Athletic Club meant to me. Six months ago, I lost the place that was my career, community, gym, and second family for the past ten years. A place of connection and belonging. The long hours, late nights, and early mornings which my position required were tough to say the least, but in my mind, I stayed because it was worth the effort. I believed in what we were building. Losing all of that on a random Tuesday with no valid reasons given, and with no chance to say goodbye was an unusually cruel, (dare I say radioactive?) bite.
A spider web in the corner thought ~ About a year before I lost my job, I had bought an art book for my graphic designer brother-in-law Andy. After reading the first page, I proceeded to buy not one but seven more copies for myself and some friends. It was just one of those books I sensed was going to have an impact. I had been reading through it off and on for about a year, and after I lost my job I picked it up from the corner of my coffee table and got lost in the pages again. Almost everything in the book up until that point had been about art and creativity. But…I kid you not; the next chapter was about dealing with job loss…right when I needed it most. Chills.
“Instead of sinking into the pain of heartbreak or the stress of being laid off or the grief of loss, if practicing detachment the response might be ~ I wasn’t expecting that plot twist. ~ There’s always a next scene, and that next scene may be one of great beauty and fulfillment. The hard times were the required setup to allow these new possibilities to come into being. If we allow this principal to work on us as we work on it, our imagination frees us from the web of personal and cultural stories engulfing us. Art has the power to snap us out of our transfixion, open our minds to what’s possible, and reconnect with the eternal energy that moves through all things.” ~ Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being.
A pink floral thought ~ It wasn’t the end, just the inevitable closing of a chapter. We never know what’s just around the corner though; good or bad, light or heavy. Sometimes, it’s paradoxically…both. Sometimes we have to get turned upside down to get turned right side up. During this chaotic in-between chapter, my brother-in-law Andy designed a new logo for my cake business: a beautiful pink rosette. Looking back now, it was like a glimmer of hope that good things would happen over time, like the opening up of a rose. With deep gratitude, I can say that some amazing things have happened since that bittersweet loss: a new job I love, new gyms, new relationships, more time for art, more time with family and friends, and the chance to enjoy sunrises every morning. In this giant game of Twister we experience everyday, there are and will continue to be many plot twists. It’s been rewarding to see that the season of flowers does come back, and that there’s always a hope in the darkness for a Brand New Day.
**** And…that’s the Night Monkey’s cue to come swinging through my lovely floral thoughts. Speaking of Spider-Man and flowers, Peter Parker’s girlfriend MJ has a fascination with black dahlias. I, too, think there’s something quite exquisite about them. I find myself drawn to what’s different, continually looking for life in the abstract and the abstract in all of life.
A pale blue thought ~ During the recent lunar eclipse, I ran into one of my neighbors while she was outside gazing up at the blood red moon. As the clock was making it’s journey to midnight, we talked for a while, connecting on our oceanic thoughts. She said, “It’s nice to talk with someone about these topics, I’m so interested in the sky and what all is out there beyond us.” I felt the same way, and I’m still marveling at this simple yet profound interaction. We don’t have to walk alone through the kind of thoughts we assume people don’t care about. All it takes is one person being brave and inviting someone else inside their mental cabinet of curiosities. When we show up with purpose and passion, we find our people on this spinning pale blue dot.
I’m done swinging through the sky for now. Time to thread all these loose webs together into a pretty silk bow. I’m lifting a proverbial cup of coffee up to yours. (Klink.) Let’s run to the outside places and track the sun like we’re young sunflowers. Watch out for the spiders…
