It seems like everyone has something to say about the current situation our world is in with the coronavirus. Should I add my two cents or would it just subtract from the words coined by others wiser than me? Better to keep one’s mouth shut than to open it and sound foolish. While there may be a demand for many necessary items typically found at convenience stores, coronavirus memes aren’t in short supply. Laughter is essential; it helps offset the panic on the other side of the coin, right? We want to laugh because if we don’t laugh, we might cry. It’s okay to cry though; it reminds us of our humanity. Most of us have never been through such an uncertain time as this, and we don’t know what to expect or how to react. But I believe we should give ourselves grace and permission to feel whatever it is we’re feeling. It’s okay to be sad, confused, and afraid. If we don’t feel the gravity of this situation, we won’t process it or respond to it appropriately.
I’m sitting on my living room floor at 2:13 in the morning, and I’m finally able to start putting my wondering, wandering thoughts into words. What is today…Day 11 of this quarantine? I had a plan. It was a great plan. #2020vision for the year 2020, you know? Physically, I had spent about half a year in pain from a back injury, unable to play tennis, work out, or run. Every movement, and every moment spent even just sitting or standing brought pain. I work at an athletic facility, and I was constantly reminded of all the things I wanted to be doing, but couldn’t. Mentally, I felt like I had run a marathon with everything else that was going on in my life, and I was exhausted. But I learned how to be grateful for pain and to view it as an opportunity to get stronger. I had overcome the fear, anxiety, and stress that had a hold on my mind, and I believed with every fiber within me that it was going to be an amazing, goal attaining, Wonder Woman slaying kind of year. And it was! For a whole two months. Life was making sense, and great things were happening.
And then we flipped the calendar to March. And I felt the universe laughing at me, like, “You thought life was going to go the way you wanted? You’ve got goals to better your life? You thought you had overcome fear? Ok, let’s make it ten times harder. Here’s a global pandemic!” I looked at my list of goals, thinking, “This is not the way this year was supposed to go. I had a really good plan. This all seems impossible now.” And then I saw at the top of my list, these words: “Do things I’m afraid of.” Ok, well, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. HA! Oh, fear. Can’t you just go away for good?! At a time in my life when I really want to stay active and spend time with people, I’m forced to live as an agoraphobic person in the midst of a global crisis for who knows how long, which naturally allows for a lot of time to think. Not a good situation for someone prone to anxiety. Even the word makes me anxious. But pandemic anxiety is a whole different level of crazy. Expectation of panic causes panic; we’ve definitely seen that as of late. Listening to the news, scrolling through social media, and wading through the negativity, panic, memes, jokes, shared articles, comments, and everyone’s opinions…it all takes a toll on our minds. Despite our desire to be emotionally strong, anxiety is bound to attack. But we don’t have to be ashamed of it. Being brave doesn’t mean we won’t live without fear; it means we’re strong enough to go through something even though fear is present.
At a time like this, I’m thankful for technology that keeps us all connected. I’m grateful for podcasts from people like Brene Brown (I love her work!), and live-streamed concerts from my favorite singers. Every night I look forward to Jon Foreman’s acoustic songs from his home. His voice cracks with raw emotion, reminding us that life isn’t perfect, but that’s what makes it beautiful and real. It’s okay to be vulnerable, to cry, and to not have the answers. It’s okay to express our frustrations with our canceled plans and financial hardships. It’s hard to empathize and connect with others when you don’t name and claim your own problems. Weddings have been postponed, business models have been changed, jobs have been lost, people have gotten sick, and some people have lost loved ones to this virus. We’re all affected in some way by this global crisis. This time we’re in reminds us what it means to be human. And how quickly our best laid plans can go awry. How much we need connection. How much a hug can lift our spirits. How much better we feel when we’re active. How much we take things for granted like our routines, going to work, laughing with those we love, and the basic necessities. We should realize how much we all have in common and that being “socially distant” actually draws us that much closer together in our spirits.
It’s currently 4:48 in the afternoon, and I’m out on my balcony finishing up this blog. Two kids are playing outside in the rain. A friend just texted me to see how I’m doing today. My puppy has been curled up on the floor most of the day, unaware of what’s going on in the world. Her biggest concern right now is, “Where is this water coming from that’s hitting me in the face?” I’ve been getting some cake orders, which is something I haven’t had much time for in awhile, and I’m grateful for that. I’m looking forward to being able to visit my grandparents.
I mentioned Wonder Woman earlier, and I watched that movie last night. (SPOILER!) My favorite scene is at the end when she realizes that love is what will save the world. Right now, our love for each other is what will fuel us all to do our part in this midst of this crisis. For a long time now, I’ve had this phrase that keeps running through my head, and sometimes it’s the only thing that gets me through the craziness of life. “How you react when life isn’t going the way you want is the person you really are.” Now more than ever is our time to show what kind of people we are. My hope is that we can be good people despite the chaos, and that we’ll be able to look back and see that we’re stronger because of the struggle.
March 28, 2020
Blue Moon Muse 
That was very well said Mallory, hoping this brings our whole country back to what is important family time, a slower pace to life, appreciating each other more, thankful you have your cute little dog to keep you company!
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Thank you, Mrs. Riley!
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Great blog Mallory, you certainly have a way with words. You have had a lot of challenges this past year, I would say you are a very strong woman. One I have a lot of admiration for. Keep the faith. We know the author and finisher of our faith. He is always in control.
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Thank you, Pam!
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