Tag: humor

The Wild Goose Chase of Birdnapper Brown

The name’s Pearl. Blizzard Pearl. She’s called the Snow Goose by those who know and love her. And she likes to fly fast. This blog is about the day the Snow Goose took a high speed flight, and the secret mission to bring her home.  

Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful bird in a far off land known as Stoplight City, where the corn fields shake hands with suburban living. This bird shone with a radiant iridescent glow and so was called Blizzard Pearl. This Snow Goose never asked for much; she was happy to leisurely fly her lady, known as M, wherever M’s heart desired. But Pearl did have one secret longing: she yearned to fly fast. And on one now infamous day, fate would give her that chance…

Continue reading “The Wild Goose Chase of Birdnapper Brown”

Lobbie the Lobster Goes to the Library: An Original Lobster Tale

Once upon a time, in a land far far away…there was…well…there was this lobster named Lobbie.  And he walked into the lobby of a library.  Up to the librarian’s desk.  Which is where the librarian should have been.  But she wasn’t.  So…he didn’t know what to do.  After contemplating his dilemma, he picked up his briefcase that was filled with…gumballs…and started walking around, looking for the librarian.  Needing something to energize him, he opened his briefcase, took out three gumballs, and put them in his mouth.  And he started looking for the librarian.  He walked up the stairs!  And down the hall!  And in between the bookshelves!  But she wasn’t there!  Feeling out of breath, he decided to take the elevator to go back downstairs…and check his e-mail while he waited for the librarian.  But alas!  Continue reading “Lobbie the Lobster Goes to the Library: An Original Lobster Tale”

Which to Bury, Us or the Bear?

So I heard a story not too long ago, about someone who was being chased by a bear.  Now, if you were in harms way because of a bear, and you had a firearm in your possession, the thing to do…would be to shoot it.  Right?  Well, this person shot the bear…and it died.  And this person…was arrested!  For saving his own life!  Things didn’t turn out the way he thought they would at all.  The bear was supposedly an endangered species.  I’m sure the guy was probably thinking, “Hey!  I was an endangered person!  One of us had to go!”  He obviously didn’t want it to be himself.  “No, I don’t hate you, Mr. Bear, and I don’t wanna fight you…but you took this too far!” Continue reading “Which to Bury, Us or the Bear?”

Baker’s Chocolate…A Snack for the Average Consumer?

Once upon a time…there was this kid.  Who went on a youth trip with his youth group in a van driven by his youth pastor.  And.  The youth pastor stopped the van at a gas station, in order to buy gas for the van.  So.  The kid.  It was just one kid.  With his youth group.  The kid decided to go inside…and buy himself a snack.  So he walked down the whole 3 aisles in that gas station…because he wanted to find the best snack he could possibly find.  So the kid, I don’t really know what was going on in his mind, but he…well…he picked up a boxed snack…and bought it.  Because he definitely did not believe in stealing. Continue reading “Baker’s Chocolate…A Snack for the Average Consumer?”

Rain Glasses

One day, I was driving in my car, when I saw…a most unusual sight.  I saw a lady…riding her bike…in the rain…on Main Street…and she was wearing…goggles.  Now.  These were not swimming goggles.  They were big, clear goggles that covered half her face…the kind of goggles a scientist would wear.  It was as if she was in a chemistry lab.  Except for one thing.  She wasn’t.  So.  My hypothesis is that she watched the weather forecast…or at least had witnessed the clouds fighting for control over the sky that morning…and she didn’t want the potential rain to pelt her in the eyes.  So she found some mad-scientist-looking goggles and turned them into…rain glasses.  Continue reading “Rain Glasses”

Sponge Candy

Back to the General Store in Marilla, New York.  I was standing near the counter and looking at the candy.  Not because I needed any…not because I wanted any.  I was waiting on my mom to finish deciding which general items to buy from the general store.  She had been doing that for over an hour.  Browsing the names of the candy, my eyes fell on the words “Sponge Candy.”  The package of eight small chocolate bars, selling for…$7.75.  Sponge candy did not sound tastefully appealing to me.  But being an extremely curious person, I wanted to know what it was.  But not being an extremely forward person, I asked my dad to ask the lady behind the counter about it.  So he did. Continue reading “Sponge Candy”

Over-Stuffed and Over-Priced

Walking down the streets of Marilla, New York with my family and our friends the Pollocks, I approached the General Store with much anticipation.  I knew I would find something to buy.  But I didn’t know what it would be.  After about 37 minutes of shopping, I finally found what I was looking for.  I had never seen anything like it.  It was…it was a giant…a GIANT…stuffed…PENGUIN!  This was no cartoon-looking penguin: it was the most real-looking fake penguin I had ever seen.  Only having six dollars in cash on me, my spending capability was significantly limited.  Continue reading “Over-Stuffed and Over-Priced”