Author: Mallory

“You’re not a bad person.  You’re a very good person, who bad things have happened to.  Besides, the world isn’t split into good people and death eaters.  We’ve all got both light and dark inside us.  What matters is the part we choose to act on.  That’s who we really are.”  ~ Sirius Black to Harry Potter

The title for this could have also been The Pain of Paradox.  I teetered back and forth trying to decide which side to focus on, and, in typical paradoxical fashion, I realized…both.  I remember saying last year that I wanted to stand in the middle of a teeter totter and be perfectly balanced.  To which a wise man responded, “You’re going to have to have a strong core.”  Of course, I was speaking metaphorically.  It’s safe to say I’m extreme about being balanced.  I know that sounds rather oxymoronic.

“You are always so desperate to find yourself AND ready to abandon yourself.  You so badly want to be seen AND to disappear.  You have forever been desperate to yell “Here I am!” AND to fade away at the very same time.” ~ Glennon Doyle    

The paradox of this quote really resonated with me today as I was listening to Glennon’s newest book Untamed.  I think this quote unveils the dark madness that haunts our inner selves.  We long to be seen and loved for who we are, yet we’re afraid to be vulnerable, so what do we do?  Hide behind all kinds of masks, going to painstaking lengths to suppress the insecurities that torment us.  Expensive clothes, fancy cars, posh job titles, makeup, lavish vacations, and a wide variety of filters on Instagram.  Of course these things aren’t evil in and of themselves.  But are we just hiding?  Are we trying to quench our thirst for something deeper and more meaningful?  Who are we really when all of that is stripped away?  Will we disappoint others with who we really are without those things…and more importantly…will we disappoint ourselves when we take a deeper look into those eyes staring back at us in the mirror?

It seems like everyone has something to say about the current situation our world is in with the coronavirus. Should I add my two cents or would it just subtract from the words coined by others wiser than me? Better to keep one’s mouth shut than to open it and sound foolish. While there may be a demand for many necessary items typically found at convenience stores, coronavirus memes aren’t in short supply. Laughter is essential; it helps offset the panic on the other side of the coin, right? We want to laugh because if we don’t laugh, we might cry. It’s okay to cry though; it reminds us of our humanity. Most of us have never been through such an uncertain time as this, and we don’t know what to expect or how to react. But I believe we should give ourselves grace and permission to feel whatever it is we’re feeling. It’s okay to be sad, confused, and afraid. If we don’t feel the gravity of this situation, we won’t process it or respond to it appropriately. Continue reading “Wondering”

Depression.  Anxiety.  Fear.  Guilt.  Shame.  Death.  Disease.  Disabilities.  Abuse.  Toxic relationships.  Divorce.  Job loss.  Heartache.  Hatred.  Crime.  Racism.  Slavery.  Suicide.  Terrorism.  War.  Natural disasters.  Human trafficking.  Infertility.  Miscarriage.  Failure.  Addiction.  Homelessness.  Loneliness.  Inequality.  Ugliness.  Lost friendships.  Mental disorders.  Insomnia.  Criticism.  Rejection.  Doubt.  Darkness.  Maybe you see pieces and parts of your life in this list.  These things and more make up the dark matter we all face as part of the human race.  In a perfect world, none of these horrible realities would exist, but unfortunately, perfection is not the reality of our universe.  Scientists say that only about 4% of our universe is known…which means about 96% of our universe is made up of dark matter and dark energy…the unknown.   Continue reading “Dark Matter”