Disappointing the Devil

“You are always so desperate to find yourself AND ready to abandon yourself.  You so badly want to be seen AND to disappear.  You have forever been desperate to yell “Here I am!” AND to fade away at the very same time.” ~ Glennon Doyle    

The paradox of this quote really resonated with me today as I was listening to Glennon’s newest book Untamed.  I think this quote unveils the dark madness that haunts our inner selves.  We long to be seen and loved for who we are, yet we’re afraid to be vulnerable, so what do we do?  Hide behind all kinds of masks, going to painstaking lengths to suppress the insecurities that torment us.  Expensive clothes, fancy cars, posh job titles, makeup, lavish vacations, and a wide variety of filters on Instagram.  Of course these things aren’t evil in and of themselves.  But are we just hiding?  Are we trying to quench our thirst for something deeper and more meaningful?  Who are we really when all of that is stripped away?  Will we disappoint others with who we really are without those things…and more importantly…will we disappoint ourselves when we take a deeper look into those eyes staring back at us in the mirror?

I was watching The Devil Wears Prada the other night and suddenly had this burst of inspiration to write again (finally).  This year…yeah…you know.  Every few weeks, I’ve been telling myself, “You really need to write something.”  I just didn’t have it in me, until I heard these lines right before the credits rolled.  Andrea (Anne Hathaway) has just ever-so-bravely taken back her soul from the Prada-wearing devilish Runway magazine editor-in-chief Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep). During an interview for a new job, the interviewer tells Andrea, “I called over there for a reference, next thing you know I got a fax from Miranda Priestly herself, saying that of all the assistants she had, you were by far her biggest disappointment.  And that if I don’t hire you I’m an idiot. You must have done something right.”      

Okay, so, she’s the biggest disappointment, AND she’s getting a good reference from the fiery-woman-in-the-red-suit?  I pondered this for a few minutes, then sat down to get my thoughts out on paper.  She spent a year trying to be somebody she wasn’t, wearing designer clothes and shoes she used to find ridiculous, working for a company she didn’t care about, impressing people who didn’t care about her, and ignoring her true friends, all because she was hell-bent on getting her pretty little high-heeled foot in the door to become the journalist she really wanted to be.  It’s the struggle we all face at some point or another…the desire to fit in, never let anyone down, look like we have it all together, advance in society, and the list goes on.  If we look the part and look important, maybe we can convince ourselves that we do indeed matter. 

Andrea isn’t Miranda’s biggest disappointment due to not being good enough at her job.  She was actually the best at her job.  Here’s the thought that really hit me: people don’t get disappointed in others when there is low expectation for their performance.  The better we are at what we do…the higher the expectation…and the greater the risk for disappointing others.  It’s an inevitable direct correlation.  If we strive for excellence, we have to accept the reality that we are undoubtedly going to disappoint people somewhere along the way. We’ve all heard it so many times before, “You can’t please everyone.”  We can only please and give and be so much before we experience burnout or lose ourselves.  Andrea is labeled a disappointment because she is great at her job AND because she stands up for her values.  In the end, her boss still recognizes her worth, and dare I say even respects her stance.  This thought was such a breath of fresh air to me.  Being labeled a disappointment may seem like a condemnation, but sometimes it can actually be a compliment.

Boundaries.  We lose ourselves when we neglect to establish them.  With the desire to please other people, we give them access to our thoughts about ourselves and ultimately our choices.  We betray our values and end up “selling our souls to the devil.”  The devil is whoever or whatever devours us from being our best selves.  Like a lion forever in pursuit, the devil deprives us of both our morals and care for humanity.  We see it played out in countless ways all over the news and in our everyday lives.  Some people are ravaged by white hot anger, insisting only their way is right.  Many people settle for what they want, instead of focusing on what they value, and then wonder why they feel so hollow inside.  Recently I heard a sermon by Andy Stanley, and he asked a rather riveting question.  “What do you value?”  If we really stop and get serious about it, answering that question could be the turning point to “disappointing the devil” and living lives we’re proud of.  It could lead to more authenticity and integrity, standing up for the oppressed, more empathy in our interactions with others, managing our time better, taking better care of our health, loving people who are different than us, and less despair in our world. 

We each have to answer this value question for ourselves.  Rather than contribute to the metaphorical death and decay we so often see in our world, we’ve got to do our part in creating a heaven on earth.  When we know our worth and live true to our values, we don’t have to live in an eternal state of worry about being a disappointment.  It won’t matter what other people think, because we’ll be striving for the right things and living our best lives.  Interestingly enough, the word “hell” is related to the word “helan” which is an Old English word that means “to conceal or hide.”  Hiding our true selves is selling out to the devil.  It’s a hell on earth existence. Why not just be the real you?

“I hope you find the courage to embrace all that you are – all of your quirks, all of your beauty, all of your brilliance – because the world needs YOU.” ~ Joanna Gaines

This song seems appropriate for a number of reasons.

November 11-12, 2020