“I love you, girl.” It wasn’t the last thing he said to me, but it’s the last thing I specifically remember him saying. He never called me “girl.” It was always “sweetie” or “Mal.” Sometimes he’d sing, “Mallory, Mallory, Mallory, Mallory, life is but a dream,” and I’d laugh. This sounded different. I thought it was both cute and sincere, like he viewed me as a friend, and like he was trying to say “I love you” in a different way so I would know how much he really meant it. I got to see him just one more time after that. Our last few visits were so special to me because they were days when he was in good spirits, but I was also aware our time together was drawing short. Before I left, I hugged him, held his hand, and told him I would see him later. It’s hard to remember specifics of what we talked and laughed about in those last visits. You try to commit those final precious moments to memory, but the details kind of end up being a blur. Nothing that significant happened. I was just thankful to have more time with him.
Continue reading “I Love You, Papaw”Month: November 2020
Disappointing the Devil
“You are always so desperate to find yourself AND ready to abandon yourself. You so badly want to be seen AND to disappear. You have forever been desperate to yell “Here I am!” AND to fade away at the very same time.” ~ Glennon Doyle
The paradox of this quote really resonated with me today as I was listening to Glennon’s newest book Untamed. I think this quote unveils the dark madness that haunts our inner selves. We long to be seen and loved for who we are, yet we’re afraid to be vulnerable, so what do we do? Hide behind all kinds of masks, going to painstaking lengths to suppress the insecurities that torment us. Expensive clothes, fancy cars, posh job titles, makeup, lavish vacations, and a wide variety of filters on Instagram. Of course these things aren’t evil in and of themselves. But are we just hiding? Are we trying to quench our thirst for something deeper and more meaningful? Who are we really when all of that is stripped away? Will we disappoint others with who we really are without those things…and more importantly…will we disappoint ourselves when we take a deeper look into those eyes staring back at us in the mirror?
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Blue Moon Muse 